I smell stomach acid.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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