so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
