smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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