Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
