RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
