Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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