I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
