Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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