I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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