About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
