Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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