Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
