I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
