i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize