ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
