I'm lost and stupid without you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize