True but thats because hes a fetus.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
