No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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