I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
