i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
