I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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