one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
