i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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