WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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