How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
