I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
