Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
