so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
