next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize