I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
