my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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