Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
