It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
