I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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