I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
