The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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