allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
