I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
