I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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