Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
