I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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