erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
BRING THE BAGELS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
