i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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