I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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