don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
