I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize