I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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