I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
