My hair reeks of homosexuality.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
