Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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