I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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