im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize