On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
