dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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