he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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