I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found your dick twin last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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