Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
