Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
