Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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