My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
