Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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