the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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