I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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