On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
