Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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