I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
