I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
