I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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