Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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