And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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