I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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