if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
