Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
