It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
