idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
