u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im holly from the hills drunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
