Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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