After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
