I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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