In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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