i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
