the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
