Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
