My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
