he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
