Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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