We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize