Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
